Colleges

Ok, I know I'm going to college. It's never been a hard choice to make, and there's really never even been a question about it. Even if I happened to win the lottery and was the new owner of 5 million USD, I would go to college. Sure, that would make things a hell of a lot easier for me- no worries about taking out loans or having to work and do skoolz at the same time, but I wouldn't make that an excuse for me not to work or go to school.

Anyway, I think my first mistake was putting my e-mail addy on the P(reliminary)SAT for colleges to send me junk and pester me at their leisure, and without wasting pulpified trees on me. So now I have approximately 100 e-mails in my inbox, if not more, from various colleges (most of them out-of-state and I'd hardly consider attending them), many of which I'll end up deleting without reading because of that, or because they're a religiously-affiliated school, or whatever makes me delete things.

So yeah, I was talking to someone on TEH EM ESS ENss and referred to how many e-mails are restlessly wading through my inbox, making the trip from the front page to the second, third, and so on. I have exactly 162 e-mails right now. Granted, some of them aren't from colleges, but most of them are. And if I happen to not click on the message they send me, I get another one, asking me why I didn't open the last one. It goes something like this:

Hannah! I know you're online, why didn't you read the last e-mail we sent you ten minutes ago? We'd really like to inundate you with more information than you can read during the five minutes per week that you don't spend doing homework or studying, so get on it, chick. Also, if you click this link now, we'll take a few dollars off of your tuition!

If you don't click, we've just dispatched a litter of trained guard dogs, and since we're the top science and engineering school, will be able to have them teleported to your house before you can shit yourself.

Or, they take a nicer tone, but are equally annoying:

Hannah! It's glad to see you... err, glad to know that you just opened this e-mail! You didn't do the same with the last e-mail we sent you, so we were starting to get worried. 'cuz OMG I had a friend one time, and I sent her an e-mail every half-hour or something, and she like, well like, she didn't open them one day and I found out that she had GOTTEN PREGNANT, and like ZOMG I so don't want you to get pregnant, unless you want to. But since we are a Christian school, if you're pregnant we will stone you. Unless you're married, but since we're Catholic on top of Christian, if you're married you shouldn't be going to school, and we'll stone you anyway.

So yeah, if you want to click on this link, we'll send you some more info and maybe a condom but you can only look at it. And a free window decal! Cuz zomg we're sooo the shit, the whole campus smells. But only metaphorically! hahaha, thanks Hannah!